I mentored more than 80 people in the past five years. I also was lucky to have great mentors in my career. From all that experience, I know that choosing the right mentor doesn't have to be difficult. It's easy if you know what to look for.
So, I want to share with you the 3 primary skills you should look for when choosing a mentor.
I've boiled it down to 3, this will help you know what to look for in the long list of skills and qualities mentors can have. Just google what makes a great mentor, and from the first posts, you can make a solid list of more than thirty skills.
Here is my top 3 list:
⚡️Competence
⚡️Chemistry
⚡️Being able to model what you want to be
The right degree of competence
Having a competent mentor is the place to start. But what does competence mean, and how can you know?
👋🏽 Meet the Dreyfus model
I am a big fan of the Dreyfus model. It's a model of skill acquisition that I use a lot. I helped more than a hundred people assess their skills with it. The model states that a student progresses through five stages in acquiring a skill:
👉🏾 novice
👉🏾 competence
👉🏾 proficiency
👉🏾 expertise
👉🏾 mastery
The scale has five stages but is different than the classical rating system. Here is how a classical five-step distribution works. When giving a 3 out of 5 rating to a restaurant, I mean that the restaurant was not that great, and I would probably not return to that place.
The Dreyfus model is quite different. Rating a skill a 3 out of 5 (or proficient) means you are very good at that skill. You have excellent knowledge and experience.
4 out of 5 means expertise. For the Dreyfus model, it means not only you are very good at what you do but also recognized outside of your context for the quality of your work and the results you have.
5 means mastery. Great work, great results, and some people around the world heard about you.
Now, stage 2, competence, is where most professionals are. If you are at this level, you have good results but need help when facing the toughest of challenges.
🎯 So now that you know the model, where should your mentor be?
My advice? Aim high; a mentor on the 4th level (expert) can significantly help you. Interacting with someone at this level will feel extraordinary. Mentors at this stage can handle the toughest of challenges, and to reach regional-level visibility, they also have impressive social skills.
💡 Can you determine if your mentor is at the fourth level on your discovery call?
Yes. You do that by asking these questions:
👉🏾 Can they do the job? That's the easiest to answer. All you have to do is look at their experience and the roles they've held. How long are they doing it? For what companies did they work? 3-5 years of experience in that role is when people start to have the right background for great mentoring.
👉🏾 Can they handle the toughest of challenges? To answer this question, ask them directly what are some of the toughest challenges they solved in this role. How did they do it? What feedback did they get afterward? Then judge this point for yourself: are these the toughest of challenges or just regular problems?
👉🏾 Are they known for their skills outside of their workplace? For this last question, evaluate if they are contributing outside of their workplace. Are they blogging? Are they teaching or training others? Are they invited to speak at conferences? Are they contributing in a significant way to a larger community?
If you answer yes to all these questions, then there is a good chance your mentor is on that fourth level.
Congratulations, you are on the road to finding the right mentor! 🥇
Aim for great chemistry
While having the right skills is a must, it won't help much if there is no chemistry between you two 🧪.
There are two things that I mean by chemistry:
👉🏾 the natural, intuitive connection
👉🏾 capacity for being a catalyst
The first is the most common sense of the word chemistry. The feeling that there is a click, that you like spending that time together, that things are going well, and that you are both alike on some points (like energy or values) but also different in others, and from this difference, you can learn a lot of new things. You will probably know if you are a good fit during the first 2 sessions. And this is why I highly recommend (and offer) the first 2 sessions free.
The second is something that, in chemistry, is called a catalyst. A catalyst in chemistry is a substance that increases the rate of a chemical reaction without undergoing any permanent chemical change. That means a chemical reaction happens with less required energy because of a catalyst. This is precisely what great mentoring should feel like. Great mentoring feels like the transformation you seek happens with less energy from your side because you have that great catalyst (the mentor) on your side. You will probably know if your mentor is a catalyst after the first 4-8 sessions.
So, look for chemistry but also be bold 🦁, don't try to pick someone who is too much like you. Search for someone that can take you out of your comfort zone.
Being able to model what you want to be
Mentoring should be more than just transferring know-how. More than learning new things. True mentoring happens when the mentee wants to be a little like their mentor. And the mentor understands that and models the behaviors the mentee would like to have. This is powerful 💪🏾 because it gives the mentee the energy to want more for themselves. And energy and motivation are key in a mentor-mentee relationship. When a mentor models the behaviors you want to have you will feel inspired to try them yourself. This is how mentoring is different than simple teaching.
My advice? Ask yourself this after 2-4 sessions.
👉🏾 Do I want to be a little more like my mentor?
👉🏾 Do I leave our sessions with the energy to aim for more?
👉🏾 Do I feel that because I work with this person, I can do more than I was able to do on my own?
If you answer yes to all these questions, then there is a good chance you have a mentor who inspires you.
That's it. Those are the top 3 skills that differentiate great mentors from good mentors.
I hope you liked reading this post. I am curious to know - what is your top 3? Reach out here on LinkedIn to let me know what you are looking for in a mentor and I will offer you 2 free mentoring sessions with me 🎁!
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