When I accepted my first Engineering Manager role, I assumed the hardest part would be the technology.
After all, I was joining a highly specialized cloud operations organization responsible for large-scale infrastructure across multiple regions. The systems were complex, the stakes were high, and the engineers were experts in their domains.
What I quickly discovered was that the technical challenges weren't the hardest part.
The hardest part was learning how to lead.
Like many first-time managers, I initially approached the role with the mindset of an individual contributor. I believed I needed to have answers, solve problems personally, and ensure every expectation was met.
Over time, I learned that management requires a very different skill set.
The lessons below are not theories from a leadership book. They come from real situations, difficult conversations, customer escalations, operational incidents, and mistakes I've made along the way.
My hope is that they help other engineers who are considering management—or managers who are still finding their footing.
1. You Are Not Paid to Have All the Answers
The Mistake I Made
When I first became an Engineering Manager, I felt overwhelmed.
I joined a team filled with highly specialized engineers who had spent years mastering systems that I was still learning.
Every meeting felt intimidating.
I assumed people expected me to be the technical authority in every discussion.
As a result, I spent a lot of energy trying to understand everything.
The more I learned, the more I realized how much I didn't know.
Eventually I recognized something important:
My manager wasn't evaluating me based on my ability to answer every technical question.
Leadership was evaluating me based on my ability to drive outcomes.
What Changed My Perspective
The breakthrough came when I started paying closer attention to the conversations I was having with my manager and senior leaders.
Their questions were rarely:
- How does this system work?
- Which command should be executed?
- What configuration parameter should we change?
Instead, they were asking:
- What are the risks?
- Are customers impacted?
- What is the recovery plan?
- What blockers are preventing progress?
- What support does the team need?
Understanding the organizational goals became more valuable than knowing every technical detail.
I stopped trying to be the smartest person in the room.
I focused on helping the smartest people in the room succeed.
Practical Advice for New Managers
If you're transitioning into management:
Focus on Outcomes Before Details
Ask yourself:
- What is the team expected to deliver?
- How is success measured?
- Who depends on our work?
Build a Network
One of my biggest advantages was having spent more than a decade in the company.
I knew who to call.
I knew where expertise lived.
I knew how to connect people.
Management often means finding answers rather than personally possessing them.
Remove Obstacles
When an engineer is blocked:
- Escalate dependencies.
- Secure resources.
- Clarify priorities.
- Resolve organizational friction.
Your value often comes from removing barriers, not writing code.
Common Mistake
Pretending to know more than you do.
Your team will trust honesty far more than false confidence.
2. Your Team's Success Matters More Than Your Personal Accomplishments
A Lesson I Learned Playing Basketball
Long before I became a manager, I played basketball in college.
I was never the most talented player.
I wasn't the fastest.
I wasn't the strongest.
I wasn't the best scorer.
But I learned how to contribute.
I studied my teammates.
I learned where they liked the ball.
I defended difficult matchups.
I made the extra pass.
I focused on helping the team win.
That mindset became surprisingly useful years later.
The Shift Every New Manager Must Make
As engineers, we're rewarded for individual performance.
As managers, we're rewarded for team performance.
This sounds obvious.
In practice, it's incredibly difficult.
Many new managers continue measuring success through their own accomplishments.
Instead, management requires asking:
- Is my team growing?
- Are they becoming more autonomous?
- Are they solving problems effectively?
- Are they engaged?
The spotlight shifts away from you.
That's exactly where it should be.
Practical Exercise
Create a strengths inventory.
For every member of your team, document:
| Area | Notes |
|---|---|
| Technical strengths | What do they do exceptionally well? |
| Growth opportunities | What should they develop? |
| Preferred work | What energizes them? |
| Stress indicators | What causes performance issues? |
| Best fit assignments | Where do they excel? |
Review it quarterly.
You'll make significantly better staffing decisions.
Common Mistake
Assigning work based solely on availability rather than strengths.
3. Communication Is Part of the Deliverable
The Reality of Complex Organizations
As an individual contributor, I often believed that hard work could solve most problems.
Management taught me otherwise.
Many blockers exist outside your control.
I've experienced delays caused by:
- Dependencies owned by other teams.
- Global outages.
- Supply chain constraints.
- Staffing changes.
- Business decisions.
- External events.
No amount of personal effort can eliminate every obstacle.
What I Learned
Being accountable does not mean controlling everything.
My responsibility is to:
- Drive the best possible outcome.
- Communicate risks early.
- Keep stakeholders informed.
The worst outcome is usually not bad news.
It's unexpected bad news.
Communication Framework
Whenever you're managing an incident, project delay, or escalation, communicate:
- What happened?
- What is the impact?
- What are we doing?
- When is the next update?
Simple.
Consistent.
Effective.
Common Mistake
Waiting until you have all the answers before communicating.
4. Systems and Processes Beat Heroics
Why Heroics Don't Scale
Our team manages thousands of servers around the world.
We simply cannot succeed through manual effort.
The math doesn't work.
The only sustainable approach is:
Standardization → Automation → Scale
Everything starts with consistency.
A Question We Frequently Ask
When an issue occurs:
Instead of asking:
"How do we fix this host?"
We ask:
"Could this happen elsewhere?"
That changes everything.
If the issue affects the fleet, we need a fleet-level solution.
Continuous Improvement Framework
After every recurring issue, ask:
- Can we automate detection?
- Can we automate mitigation?
- Can we eliminate manual steps?
- Can we prevent recurrence?
Small improvements compound dramatically over time.
Common Mistake
Celebrating the engineer who fixed the problem while ignoring the process that allowed it to occur.
5. You Can't Make Everyone Happy All the Time
A Lesson I'm Still Learning
This is probably the lesson I continue to work on the most.
Customers have priorities.
Leadership has priorities.
Engineers have priorities.
Partner teams have priorities.
Sometimes those priorities conflict.
And sometimes there is no solution that makes everyone happy.
The Importance of Mentorship
One thing that has helped me tremendously is having an exceptional manager.
He has been in our organization much longer than I have.
He understands the history.
He understands the relationships.
And he understands how stakeholders think.
When I need to deliver difficult news, I still seek his advice.
Not because I can't make the decision.
But because experience matters.
He often helps me understand how to frame the message, anticipate concerns, and navigate difficult conversations.
Decision-Making Framework
When facing competing priorities, ask:
- What best supports the organization's goals?
- What are the risks?
- Who will be impacted?
- What assumptions am I making?
- Can I clearly explain my reasoning?
If the answer is yes, move forward.
Not everyone will agree.
That's okay.
Common Mistake
Believing that good leadership means making everyone happy.
Good leadership means making thoughtful decisions and communicating them clearly.
Final Thoughts
If I could go back and speak to myself on day one of management, I would say:
- You don't need all the answers.
- Your team's success matters more than your own.
- Communication is part of the job.
- Systems outperform heroics.
- Not every stakeholder will be satisfied every time.
Most importantly, I would remind myself that management is a skill.
Like any skill, it improves through practice, feedback, mistakes, and continuous learning.
Years later, I'm still learning every day.
And honestly, that's one of the things I enjoy most about the role.
