If you are lucky, you have had the opportunity to work with (not work for) a good manager - someone who truly inspires and sparks something positive. Unfortunately, more often than not, you will have a “meh” manager. This is the manager that is perfectly fine day-to-day but doesn’t inspire anything groundbreaking. Then, there is the “bad” one. Yikes! This could be the micro-manager, the scene-stealer, the blocker, the blamer, the avoidant. In my experience, this could also be the manager who verbally berates the team and physically throws things (true story).
That all said, there are valuable lessons to be learned from these experiences. Lessons in emotional intelligence that companies typically do not invest in for first-time or even experienced managers. Yet emotional intelligence is the key to developing positive people management and the payback is exponential.
Think about it.
Respected, happy, fulfilled people = motivated, productive, loyal human capital
Managers account for the single biggest driver of employee engagement, morale, and retention. People don’t leave companies; they leave managers. And yet, despite this, most organizations invest more in technical training than in people leadership. Emotional intelligence is not a “nice-to-have” - it is the operating system of healthy teams. The absence of emotional intelligence is the fastest path to burnout, attrition, and stalled innovation.
So let us invest in emotional intelligence. Let us invest in people.
Many people lack self-awareness. Some justify micromanaging as “making sure things are done right,” but the result is not excellence. The outcome is anxiety.
Manage your team as a portfolio. To do this successfully, you need to understand the individual but assess the team - identify the strengths, manage the risks, and find opportunities to grow together.
Many poor behaviors come from unintentional blind spots. A manager who constantly corrects may not realize they are discouraging. A manager who interrupts may not realize they are silencing. A manager who dominates may not realize they are weakening. The result is anxiety replaces confidence, fear replaces initiative, and innovation quietly disappears.
Self-awareness is the difference between a manager who evolves and a manager who repeats.
"Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime."
A manager who jumps in and solves every problem robs the team of growth. A manager who hoards knowledge creates dependency rather than independence. A great manager is a teacher who equips others with tools, not answers, so the team grows stronger over time. They give guidance and help create opportunities but do not provide solutions.
Feedback is not just part of formal performance reviews. Feedback is ongoing and should include examples and reasoning.
This is not just for feedback but also for work product. Think of this as class participation or group discussions. The active idea sharing and process is an integral part of learning.
Formal training is limited and underinvested. It also is limited to “theory,” so find creative ways to allow individuals to practice.
After the above, make sure there is an opportunity to test. This is not about passing or failing but about providing a metric for further improvement.
Demonstrate to your team that you are a leader worth following. This means you are part of the team through day-to-day collaboration. It also means you are the leader who takes responsibility and protects when mistakes happen or when things get difficult. When managers blame downward, people witness selfishness and fear. Instead, show generosity in opportunity, feedback, and praise.
Be the leader who communicates transparently. When managers hide information, people resort to guessing and guessing often leads to mistrust. Difficult circumstances expose the true character of a leader. Teams watch closely during pressure. They notice whether a manager takes ownership or shifts blame. They remember whether a manager shows clarity or chaos.
The bad manager teaches you what not to replicate, but the good manager shows you what is possible.
A good manager communicates with consistency, clarity, and compassion. Without good communication, people become confused, reactive, and defensive. This creates an environment by accident, not by design, and usually one that feels unsafe.
Children love asking “why.” Adults perform better when they know why. Context allows people to understand how their work fits into the bigger picture. Context provides value and motivation which often leads to better products.
Do not delegate or avoid these situations. The conflict does not go away. It festers, bubbles, and surfaces again. Be a brave manager. People respect bravery.
Candidness gains trust. Reason-to-believe inspires. Without truth the rumor mill churns and mistrust rises. Without reasonable optimism, concern overtakes quashing forward movement.
We teach children the golden rule: “treat others the way you would like to be treated.” Yet, I frequently observe managers mimicking the exact behaviors they hated about their managers. The reasons may range from lack of self-awareness to lack of motivation and sometimes out of spite. Not one of these reasons is acceptable when we teach children. They should not be acceptable for adults.
Remember, leadership is generational. The way you lead influences how others will lead in the future. Good managers create more good managers. Bad managers create cycles of fear, avoidance, or aggression. Your behavior becomes someone else’s blueprint.
Break the cycle.
A single good manager can change the trajectory of a person’s career, confidence, and long-term potential. A single bad manager can do the same in the opposite direction. Leadership is not about authority; it is about impact. Emotional intelligence does not just make work better; it makes people better. When we invest in emotionally intelligent leadership, we create organizations where people thrive, not just survive.
If you have read this far, you already understand the impact a manager can have, whether positive or harmful. If you feel inspired to break old patterns, elevate how you lead, or simply understand yourself with greater honesty, I invite you to reach out. I mentor emerging and experienced leaders who want to cultivate emotional intelligence, sharpen their self-awareness, and build the kind of leadership presence people remember (fondly). If you are ready to grow into the manager you wish you had, I am here to help. Connect with me to break the cycle.
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