Over the years, I've mentored a lot of folks. Some of my mentoring relationships stay transactional and short-lived. However, some go on to become meaningful and long-lasting. As I was thinking about what sets the two apart, what stands out for me is the qualities that the mentees demonstrate. When I see mentees consistently demonstrate these qualities, I end up really valuing and willing to invest more of my personal energy in the relationship and the success of the mentees. If you are looking to build long-term mentoring relationships or want to get the most of the short-lived mentoring sessions you have, I hope these will help you:
Clarity
Mentee has clarity what they would like help with and why I am a good mentor for them.
Mentees who come to me being clear what they want help with and why they chose me as a mentor really help both themselves and the mentor. As a mentee, this helps them be specific about the topics and the help they need. As a mentor I am clear what I need to be offering to be of value, evaluate if I am a good fit, tailor my relationship and understand what success looks like for the relationship.
Preparedness
Mentee comes prepared to each session with a topic that is current and relevant to them.
Mentees who come prepared to each session demonstrate to me that they value my time and theirs as well. Because they are prepared and focused, they will get something useful out of the conversation for a topic which is a current challenge for them. Bonus points if they share this in advance of the session which allows me to do some more thinking or dig up relevant resources for them. By being prepared and having a quality conversation, this makes the session and the relationship more relevant and valuable for them. This then ends up also being a positive loop for the relationship to nurture. It also creates accountability for the mentee for each session.
Follow Through
Mentee follows through on action items offline or gives me an update the next time we meet.
Mentees who take the insights from the sessions and the action items seriously have a higher chance of applying what they learnt and benefitting from it. By doing this, they also show me they are following through and taking actions, respect my time and theirs, which makes me want to invest more time myself. Ensuring that they give an update at the next session creates accountability for them, ability to tweak the approach by learning what worked and didnt, and continues to fuel the value of the relationship.
Attitude and Professionalism
Mentee recognizes this is a huge time investment at both ends, is humble and has a good attitude.
Mentees who come with an open mind and willing to learn are a pleasure to have. I may not have all the answers, but the mentee shows they are willing to explore together and keep a positive learning attitude. By ensuring you are being professional and not engaging in small talk, you also show respect for the time and the relationship.
Seek Feedback and Perspectives
Mentee requests feedback, whether it is situations they dealt it and asks for perspective on how else they could have dealt with the situation.
Mentees who constantly seek feedback or perspectives show me that they are exhibiting a growth mindset and looking to constantly improve. By also sharing practical situations they dealt with and seeking feedback or perspectives on it, it helps me see what their strengths and approach is to situations so I can guide them appropriately on those challenges or new challenges.
Trust and Confidentiality
Mentee understands the confidential nature of the relationship and creates and expects trust.
Mentees who create a sense of trust and demonstrate that they respect the confidential nature of the relationship and share openly help create a space where the conversations can be more genuine, and the mentor can do the same. It creates an opportunity for both to share failures and lessons learnt from failures and be more vulnerable which plays a huge role in connecting more deeply.
Cadence
Mentee respects the frequency and length of the sessions.
All mentoring sessions do not have to be a fixed one hour or 30-minute sessions; and don't have to be at a regular cadence. By scheduling these sessions at a time that is aligned to pressing needs and guidance helps make the sessions more relevant and timelier for the mentee, and also for the mentor to better prioritize their time.
Offer something in return
Mentee has something to offer from their skills or experience and connections.
We can all learn something from others, and as a mentor, I always think of what I can learn from my mentee. Whether it is their attitude to things, their interests and passions, or it is the area they work in. I also find that mentees who actively think about how they can help their mentors, demonstrate curiosity about the challenges the mentor is facing and offer resources or solutions or connections are showing the mentors they want this to be a two-way relationship. Sometimes it can also just be feedback on the relationship to my boss, so that my time investment and impact can be recognized.
Mentors can be friends, coaches, potential future sponsors and great sounding boards. I recommend you have a few mentors, each with a different background and a different set of strengths, so you can learn from them for different types of challenges and situations you encounter. And with any mentor, the practices I shared above will really help you as a mentee. If you do these things consistently, not only will you get the most out of your relationships, but you will also find that there's mutual respect created between you and the mentor, and it will be a longer-lasting relationship that you can nurture and always count on.
Would you add any other best practices? Please share your feedback and thoughts.
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