I'm back in Italy.
No, not forever, it was just for 3 weeks.
And I loved it so much...but also, at the same time, I didn't. Being an expat is a deep and complicated journey of personal growth.
The first few days when I return are an "Eat, Pray, Love" of pure rediscovery: family hugs, the roar of laughter with friends, the intense scent of blooming jasmine, roses, and a touch of smog. Beautiful food to see and eat, genuine flavors, and landscapes straight out of a poem. And mind-blowing heat, even in June.
Then comes the news, the politics, a million stupid TV commercials, and a lot of complaints. Meanwhile, the streets and sidewalks are a bloody mess…so full of holes it feels like a theme park ride for my friend’s newborn, as we try to steer his stroller down what’s left of a road.
Career conversations revolve around feeling defeated, underpaid, or stuck in a somehow "stable", unfulfilling job where career advancement is a mirage and everyone hears phrases like "you still have to show your full value, you're very capable, yes, but there's no budget for a promotion now”. Exactly what they said the year before, the job before, etc.
A general sense of surrender is king: "Well, but you know,that's just how it is here. What can I do"?
For a moment, I feel like an alien in my own land.
Since 2019, I've been used to the Netherlands, a country that's anything but patriarchal, where everyone expresses themselves freely, very directly (no sugarcoating everything). On the street, it's not a red carpet of always elegant people, clouds of perfume, and bars full in the morning for cappuccino and croissants.
I see people zipping around everywhere on bikes, wearing flip-flops with socks, hair in a messy bun, and rain-damp shirts. Here it's normal: practicality wins over appearance. At 5 PM, pens drop, everyone's free, NO GUILT. You get to claim the right to treat work as work.
In the Netherlands, no one is surprised by my choice not to have children or by the fact that I decided to open my own business and live at a different pace (even without being an AI bro selling online courses). I didn't need to dress like a "penguin" at work to gain credibility. A sunny day is a celebration, not something to run from because the temperature is unbearable.
And when I return, for a few days, I feel a bit like an alien here in the Netherlands too.
Alien because everything is so different from how I grew up, from the way people approach life, with what, to me, is a refreshing lightness. Dutch children are among the happiest in the world, according to research (imagine that!). I regret not coming here sooner.
I think back to the yelling teachers and bosses, the millions of hours of overtime (sometimes paid, sometimes not), and years of thinking everything I wanted and needed was not possible for me (not that the culture, unfortunately, is very conservative and judgmental in some respects). I often find myself wondering how I endured so many limitations for so long.
Home is where...?
My concept of home has changed massively. Home is wherever my values meet the values of the place I'm in. Home is where I am free to live my role as a woman, entrepreneur, wife, person, in the way I choose,without feeling the need to justify myself.
Home is where I feel I have opportunities, where my diversity is an added value, not a stain that traps me in limiting categories.
It's not the Netherlands, Italy, or any other country that defines me: it's me. The rules I want to follow, the people I want by my side, and above all, the person I want to be for myself and for those who matter in my life.
Now tell me…
Is it enough for you to just get by because it's "safe"? Safe in quotes, because with AI, wars, and everything else, good luck to anyone who asks you where you see yourself in 5 years.
Are the benefits and bonuses that used to excite you, enough?
Precisely because of all this uncertainty, you know that all you have is now. And you're just not happy, period. Don't judge yourself for it.
The messiest path
It's time to truly create space to reflect AND take action.
-What job would you start tomorrow morning, even without a bonus?
-What city has stayed in your heart, where you think, "Oh, if only I could..."?
-What version of yourself hasn't given up with "Well, but you know, that's just how it is here"?
Choosing the messiest path (at least initially) is absolutely terrifying. I'm telling you this from the perspective of someone who, as a fresh graduate, moved to the other side of the country armed more with good intentions than anything else.
And I'm also telling you this from the perspective of someone who re-entered the job market after rejecting a permanent contract in Italy (heresy!) and spending a year and a half doing things that had nothing to do with any of her past or future jobs. The joy of explaining CV gaps is always indescribable 😀...
And finally...I'm telling you this from the experience of someone who, due to a reorganization, lost the only job in Switzerland where she was doing something she genuinely cared about...and as an unemployed person, found a job in Amsterdam, without speaking Dutch, without recommendations, and without living there.
But I would do it again.
I would take that 5 AM bus on that dark road to catch that train to Genoa.
I would abandon my secretarial job to pursue my sculpture course in Aosta Valley and go back to selling my bas-reliefs at regional fairs.
I would take that solo flight to Holland and re-book that Airbnb in Amsterdam Noord, and do all the interviews I did, I wouldn't think twice.
The most important thing I've learned as an expat?
Whatever the reason preventing you from making that choice (changing jobs, changing cities, starting over in a completely different sector), believe me,it's less frightening than the consequences of continuing to stand still and waiting for the world to decide for you.
Working abroad allowed me to invest over 16.000 Euro in my education.
It brought me self-confidence I'd never had before.
It allowed me to have experiences, travel, and meet people I never would have imagined.
Nothing is easy, especially if you have to do everything alone. I did it alone, and it cost me 7 years of not so fun life experiences, renunciations that sometimes still sadden me.
But you don’t have to struggle like I did for years, or understanding everything by yourself. You can benefit from my decade of expat experience (as a candidate and as a recruiter) and 2 coaching certifications, so you can find clarity, land a role you enjoy, and buildthat life that makes you feel truly at home.
Time flies, 2026 is only six months away.
Will you spend the rest of 2025 hoping for change, or making it happen?
Let’s work together to create the job, life, and feeling of home you deserve.
Contact me today to start working together.