[photo of dog by author / Dawid Wiacek]
"I'm just not good at networking—I'm an introvert."
I hear this phrase at least three times a week from clients and mentees. And every time, I want to gently shake them by the shoulders and say: Stop it.
Your introversion isn't the problem. Your lack of skills around authentic relationship-building is.
The Beautiful Truth About Introverts
Some of my most accomplished clients are self-described introverts. They've figured out that introversion is not a limitation. It can be a superpower waiting to be harnessed.
Introverts bring depth to conversations. You listen more than you speak. You ask thoughtful questions. You remember details about people that others forget. You prefer meaningful one-on-one conversations over shallow small talk.
These aren't networking weaknesses—they're networking gold.
Stop Hiding Behind the Label
Here's what I've learned after coaching hundreds of professionals: the difference between introverts who advance their careers and those who stay stuck isn't personality type. It's whether they use their introversion as a strength or as an excuse.
Excuse: "I can't network because I'm an introvert."
The reframe: "I network differently because I'm an introvert—and it's more effective."
The Introvert's Networking Playbook
1. Quality Over Quantity
While extroverts work the room, you work the person. Aim for 2-3 meaningful connections per event instead of collecting 20 business cards. Go deep, not wide.
2. Prepare Your Curiosity
Before any networking event, prepare 3-5 thoughtful questions that genuinely interest you. "What's the most interesting project you're working on right now?" or "What was the best part of your week so far?" beats "What do you do?" every time.
3. Find the Other Introverts
They're there—maybe by the food table or in corners having one-on-one conversations. These are your people. Connect with them first to build confidence. Or look for someone who appears to be alone. They may be hiding behind a phone, appearing busy, but chances are they might appreciate if someone else (e.g., you) initiated the conversation.
4. Use Your Listening Superpower
While others are waiting for their turn to talk, you're actually listening. This makes people feel heard and valued—isn't that the foundation of every strong relationship?
5. Follow Up Like a Pro
Your introvert brain remembers details. Use them. "I've been thinking about what you said regarding the challenge with your team's remote collaboration..." That's relationship gold.
The Real Work
Most networking struggles aren't about introversion—they're about fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of not being interesting enough. Fear of awkward silence.
These fears mask skills that can be learned.
You can get better at entering conversations confidently. You can learn to navigate professional social spaces without feeling drained. You can discover that networking doesn't have to feel transactional or exhausting.
I know this because I lived it. For years, I used "introversion" as my excuse. Until I realized I wasn't actually an introvert—I was just fearful and unskilled at social interactions.
Your Next Move
Stop apologizing for being an introvert or abusing it as an excuse. Start leveraging it.
Your career won't advance because you're naturally gifted at surface-level chitchat. It will advance because you build genuine, meaningful professional relationships—something introverts are uniquely positioned to excel at.
The question isn't whether you're introverted. The question is: Do you want to get better at this?
Because if you do, you already have everything you need to succeed.
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A little note about my own introversion journey:
for the majority of my life, I thought I was an introvert, too.
But I was wrong all along.
Reflecting on the last few decades, I can break my life down into three trimesters:
Teens and early 20s: Introvert (or so I thought)
I was a die-hard introvert, socially anxious, even if others didn’t sense or see that on my face. Behind the smiling mask, I felt the pain and drain of events and social interactions. My raw intelligence and self-deprecating humor helped me get through some tough moments, and I knew I had to be social to be even remotely successful at my various jobs.
So I mustered, or faked, the courage, and showed up to events, showed my face in group meetings… often counting the minutes down until it was over and I could leave. I wouldn’t dare raise my hand, because that would attract unnecessary attention. Better to be quiet, observe, maybe even judge in private, but do not engage. Keep quiet and avoid conflict, drama, or worse: more work.
Mid-20s to Mid 30s: Ambivert (yes, it’s a real word)
I didn’t learn the word “ambivert” until much later in life, but this was the phase in my life where I thought to myself, hmm, maybe I actually do somewhat enjoy social interactions? Maybe I am just getting older and caring a tiny bit less about other people and what they think of me?
It was all still a bit draining, showing up and trying to please others, wearing a mask, anticipating what they might want from me, or what topics I should mention or avoid in order to be socially accepted… But maybe I am not as awkward around others as I had previously thought? People tended to say nice things when I met them in social / group settings, so that was validating. I didn’t feel quite extroverted either. Maybe I was just overthinking everything?
Late 30s to Present: Extrovert
I've come to realize that I actually do enjoy social interactions, especially in small to medium-sized groups, and I don’t find it exhausting anymore. I can go to an in-person business networking event in the morning, have a handful of intense video client sessions and a few industry chats via Zoom, and then have plenty in the tank in the evening to join a running club outing in my neighborhood (shout-out to Dubset Running Collective!).
It’s no longer draining. I mean, sure, physically speaking I might be tired some days from running around (figuratively and literally), but I am not emotionally drained. My soul and spirit are ready to do it all over again the next day.
Reflecting on this journey, I think it’s quite simple:
I was just inept at social interactions, especially networking at professional events like conferences. I was never formally taught, coached, or mentored systematically and intensively around how to be myself, how to enter confidently and walk into social spaces, how not to try too hard, how to navigate high-energy (or low-energy) group settings.
I didn't know how to be more curious, how to be a better active listener, how not to worry about having the perfect elevator pitch (because that can actually be distancing and erode trust), how not to treat networking as a transactional exchange but rather a trust-building and even joy-inducing activity…
And in the absence of those skills, for so long… I stumbled. It was a lot of wasted effort, a lot of unnecessary suffering.
To be sure, I don’t regret my journey of progress, because it got me to where I am today, but I wish I had experienced a little bit more support along the way. I think I could’ve been where I am today much earlier in my development, but… c’est la vie.
Given all this, it’s no surprise that now, as a communication and career coach, I help leaders, teams and professionals of all types be more confident speakers, collaborators, and networkers.
I learned the very slow way, through trial and extensive failure, and now I get to share insights and guidance with hundreds of people around the world.
That’s a pretty darn cool profession, if you ask me.
In the last week alone, I attended 3 in-person events (professional) and a handful of social (personal) events… Just yesterday, I had 8 coaching calls and 2 networking calls, and as I sat down to dinner afterwards, I felt myself thinking: whoa, that was not tiring at all. I could do it all again tomorrow.