As a coach and a mentor, I'm constantly bombarded with the phrase "I want to be the best version of myself." It's uttered with such sincerity, such hope. Yet, each time, my inner self starts to cringe. It's not that I don't believe in growth or self-improvement. Quite the opposite. But this well-meaning phrase, I believe, is a trap, a distraction from the messy, beautiful, and often absurd journey of becoming who we truly are.
Hold on to your hats (or your philosophical textbooks), because this well-meaning phrase is about to go under the microscope! Sure, it sounds inspiring, but let's be real – life's more complicated than a motivational poster.
A Pinch of Positivity
Let's be fair, the phrase has its appeal. It hints at untapped potential, a longing for something more. It suggests a journey towards fulfillment, a shedding of limitations. In a world that often feels chaotic and overwhelming, the idea of a "best self" – a more confident, successful, or peaceful version of ourselves – offers a glimmer of hope.
But What Does "Best" Even Mean?
Here's where things get murky. "Best" is incredibly subjective. Is it about external achievements, internal peace, a specific set of virtues? The vagueness is a breeding ground for comparison and self-doubt. It sets us up to constantly chase an idealized image, one that may be unattainable or even misaligned with our true desires.
The Perfection Trap: A Philosophical Faux Pas
The notion of a singular "best version" suggests a finish line to personal growth. But clinging to a fixed ideal of perfection ignores this fundamental truth. True growth isn't about reaching a static state of "bestness." It's about embracing the ongoing process of becoming, of evolving with the flow of life.
Camus, Epicurus, and the Absurdity of Perfection
Albert Camus, the poster child of existentialism, might find the whole "best self" idea a bit absurd. In his view, life is inherently meaningless. So, why strive for an arbitrary ideal in a chaotic universe? Instead, he'd urge us to embrace the absurdity, to find joy in the simple moments, and to rebel against the notion that we need to be anything other than ourselves.
The Epicureans, ancient Greek philosophers who championed pleasure, would agree. But their version of pleasure wasn't about mindless hedonism. It was about finding joy in the simple things – friendship, knowledge, and the absence of pain. They'd probably tell us to ditch the "best self" obsession and savor the present moment, enjoying a delicious meal or a meaningful conversation with a loved one.
Existential Angst and Authenticity
For existentialist thinkers like Sartre and de Beauvoir, the pursuit of a "best self" might even be seen as a form of "bad faith." It's a way to avoid the anxiety that comes with recognizing our radical freedom – the terrifying reality that we are responsible for creating our own meaning in a world that offers no inherent purpose.
Instead of chasing an ideal, existentialists would urge us to embrace our "awesome absurdity," our inherent contradictions and complexities. It's in owning our messy, flawed humanity that we find authenticity and the courage to create our own path.
Stoicism, Fear, and the Limited Self
The Stoics are already giving the phrase serious side-eye. They're focused on inner strength and peace. They'd probably say, "Your fears and flaws are holding you back, buddy. Until you face those, that ‘best’ self is more like a slightly upgraded limited edition of self." Ouch.
They'd emphasize that true growth lies in cultivating wisdom, courage, justice, and moderation, not in pursuing an external image of perfection.
Moreover, they'd argue that until we confront our fears and embrace those parts of ourselves we dislike, we're merely polishing a limited version of who we are. It's only by facing our shadows that we can truly expand our potential.
The Smarter, Philosophically Approved Way
Okay, so maybe it's time to ditch the "best version" thing. What if we try these instead:
- "Get curious, not perfect": Explore, screw up, learn, repeat. Sounds way more fun!
- "Embrace your inner mess": Sartre and De Beauvoir would be all about owning your awesome absurdity. True authenticity isn't about becoming your "best" version, but about embracing the contradictions, anxieties, and the often-messy journey of self-creation.
- "Seek pleasure mindfully": Channel your inner Epicurean – find joy in the simple things. We live in a world of constant stimulation, bombarded with messages that equate happiness with consumption. Mindful appreciation of simple pleasures offers an antidote to the endless striving and dissatisfaction that "more" can bring.
- "Focus on the journey" There's adventure at every step, even the messy and painful ones. Discomfort, failure, and even heartache are inevitably part of the adventure of a life well-lived.
- "Let it flow": Channel those Taoist vibes and find your rhythm within change, not against it. Joy and sorrow, success and failure are interconnected. To "flow" means allowing all aspects of experience, not just chasing the "good" ones, because each teaches us about change and ourselves.
The Big Takeaway
Wanting to grow is fantastic! But how about we drop the feel-good slogans and get real? Getting better is complicated, awesome, often a bit absurd, and never really over. Let's ditch the idea of a "best" self and focus on becoming more interesting, courageous, slightly ridiculous, and maybe even a little bit hedonistic (in the philosophical sense!) versions of ourselves we can be!
The "best version of myself" is a seductive phrase, but it's ultimately a mirage. It distracts us from the real work of personal growth: confronting our fears, accepting our imperfections, and embracing the messy, beautiful journey of becoming.
So, let's ditch the slogans and get real. Let's create our own unique paths, guided by our values, our passions, and the wisdom of the ages. The journey may not be linear or always comfortable, but it will be an adventure worth having.