My Mentoring Journey So Far
Around 10 months ago I decided I wanted to share my leadership skills and my own experience of navigating the complexities of corporate careers, outside of my existing work environment. I felt that setting myself up as a mentor would be the best way to do this, but having never acted as a mentor before, I wasn’t overly confident that I would attract any mentees, and even if I did, I questioned whether I would be able to offer any meaningful guidance. Despite the reservations, I forged ahead and signed up via the mentoring platform Mentorcruise; not long after, I had paired up with four mentees, all with different motivations for seeking mentorship. My own motivation for mentoring was twofold: developing others and continuing my own development as a leader.
Developing Others
During my career I have encountered several defining issues that, upon later reflection, I did not always handle well. These past experiences have helped me define and develop the type of leader I want to be, but looking back it strikes me that if I’d had a mentor, I’d perhaps have found my own leadership ability much earlier. Instead, I had to find my own way and learn through trial and error, as opposed to being guided by someone who had been through similar experiences. I am incredibly proud of what I have achieved so far, but at times it has been difficult, and I have not always made optimal decisions. Within this context, being able to help individuals navigate their own journeys by sharing my own experience, was a driving force behind my decision to become a mentor.
Personal Growth
A large portion of my career to date has been as an account manager. I relished working with clients; building and nurturing strong client relationships, helping to solve their problems, and driving solid commercial outcomes. I had never really considered leadership, but as my career progressed, I found myself becoming indirectly relied on as a leader. Team members would turn to me for advice, not just related to the technicalities of the role, but also to seek guidance on a wide range of other issues, both professional and personal. I quickly realised that not only did I find it a privilege to be trusted by colleagues in this way, but I also found it incredibly rewarding to be able to help others in their development. When the opportunity arose for me to head up an account management team, I didn’t give it a second thought. My desire to become a better leader led me to take several courses, culminating in a master’s in international leadership. The combination of a leadership role and academic learning only furthered my enjoyment of leadership, and I continue to focus on my development so that I can be the best possible leader for the people in my teams. Mentorship became another avenue of development for me; an opportunity to hone skills such as communication, coaching, cultural awareness, and providing feedback, whilst also learning via the experiences and knowledge of my mentees.
The Good
One of my favourite things about mentoring so far is the diversity of my mentees; they have been truly global, all with very different backgrounds, and each with their own unique set of challenges and goals. This range of diversity has exposed me to different perspectives and encouraged me to think about issues and ideas from completely new angles. At times, this has meant I have been pushed out of my comfort zone, but the reward has always been that I have been able to add a new idea, solution, or technique to my toolkit that can, and has been used in my everyday role as a leader.
Despite the differences in my mentee’s location, cultural preferences, job role, aspirations etc. there have been some similarities about the topics they wish to discuss with me. Ultimately, all of them are seeking to better themselves, whether that’s securing a new job, moving into a leadership role, improving their skills, or raising their organisational awareness. My ability to support them is completely dependent on their willingness to be open about the challenges they face and what they want to achieve. Without an honest and open dialogue, from both parties, we wouldn’t be able to collaboratively find solutions that will drive personal growth.
The Bad
From the outset I understood that not every Mentoring relationship is going to last, but it was still a challenge when a breakdown occurred. In the time I have been mentoring I have had two relationships come to an end, one was expected, one was not. In the first, the mentee was hugely enthusiastic in our first few sessions, but as time went on, they became less responsive and would turn-up late, or miss meetings completely. At first, I was sympathetic, especially as one of their main areas of focus was to overcome their tendency to procrastinate and their general lack of motivation, but as time went on, I became less inclined to give-up my time to someone that wasn’t willing to reciprocate. After another failure to turn-up to a session, with no apology or communication, I decided to end the relationship.
The reasons for the end of the second relationship are a mystery to me. We were communicating regularly, and it felt that we had built the foundations for a strong mentoring relationship. However, at some stage the mentee stopped responding to me; after a few attempts to restart communication, all of which went unanswered, I assumed that, for whatever reason, the individual no longer wanted to continue the journey together.
I have no doubt that this happens to all mentors and for a plethora of reasons, but when it does occur, you can’t help but revisit all your interactions to try and identify something you may have said (or not said) that would have caused the mentee to stop communicating. In both these cases, the mentees had given me great feedback when requested, but even so, I questioned whether I could have been a better mentor. The reality, I think, is more likely to be that mentoring relationships end for all sorts of reasons, and when they do, it is probably the best outcome for both parties. The trick, and the challenge, is to not take it personally!
My Advice to Mentors and Mentees
I would advise both mentees and mentors to be open and honest and become comfortable with sharing vulnerability. This will ensure you are able to build a trusting relationship that both parties can gain from in powerful ways. This honesty will allow mentees to be very clear about what they want to gain from the mentoring and help the mentor tailor their approach to ensure success.
Don’t be afraid to give your mentor feedback, both positive and negative; good mentors will want to give their proteges the best possible support, so if there are ways they can improve, they will be appreciative of constructive feedback. If they’re doing a great job, and you value their input, let them know, after all they are giving up their time and knowledge to help you grow.
Lastly, to both parties, I would say, if you don’t feel a good connection with each other early on, or you stop getting value from the relationship, you should raise this and consider ending it. Continuing despite issues will drain energy and time that could be better spent elsewhere. Failure of one relationship does not signal a failure of the mentee or mentor’s overall ability, and sometimes the best course of action is to try again with someone else. If this does happen, be honest, and share the reasons. You should treat mentoring like a professional relationship, ghosting should never occur.
Lastly, enjoy the journey!